view member journals

Babysitting for Spike.

Ahh I'm back at last! back doing what I love best, sitting here chillin. It's been a rough week. I took on the mad idea of "promoting" my journal! Hmmm will make a mental note not to put myself through that kind of stress again for a long time! lol Too many technical things to do and remember. Thursday evening and I have peace and quiet in here for once, just me and the cats. I cringe as I remember back a couple of months ago when i agreed to look after my nephew's cat called spike.

He was identical to my black cat oscar, except for a small white patch under his chin. Awww the wee treasure or so I thought! hmmm. I remember the Friday he was leaving for his holiday vividly as he and his pal dropped by my work to show me his "baby" the little "sookie spike" was all over me and his "daddy" giving cuddles and kisses galore. What a little darling.I gave the usual reassurance that he would be absolutely fine and not to worry! They headed off to drop him at my home with all his bits and bobs until I got home from work.

I received a rather worrying text from my other half when I was on my way home stating that spike wasn't a very happy or sociable boy at all!. I brushed it off as him going to need time to settle in.At home, I bent over behind the couch cooing "spikeyyyy" the hisses and growls were deafening. I recoiled at his unexpected reaction. Well this was to be the "norm" spike wasn't happy or friendly, He would pretend to want petted when he eventually surfaced from behind the couch, then in a flash spin round like demon cat and try and rip your nearest limb off!

I was now very alarmed as were we all, Oh, I thought this is only for 10 days,we can manage. I got several texts from his "daddy" and gave the usual.."he is fine" routine asI kept my distance from this very scary creature. The next day, Saturday I had bought a new tent and popped it up in the garden, well, i helped! lol At just before 9pm we all huddled in for a wee seat then back in to watch the movie for 9pm,thats when we noticed spike was nowhere to be found. Oh god I was frantic, we all searched everywhere, no sign. he had to have squeezed himself through and jumped out the barely open window.

I'm convinced that was spike's revenge at being left in a strange house. He had decided to leg it at the first opportunity. When I think back to the torturous 7 days that followed it brings it all back. I spent 4 hours outside shaking cat biccies walking the neighbourhood looking completely mad, shouting on him. Nothing. The next day, Sunday morning 6am, I was up and dressed out looking again shaking the box of biccies as quietly as I could. This was to become a nightly occurrence with half the cats in the street wrapping their tails round my legs begging for the food. I put bowl upon bowl of food and water out every night, Got "missing" cat posters done and informed everyone I knew including my local shop about his plight.

Plight? My backside! There was a black cat who looked remarkably like him that was teasing me on a nightly basis. I had my routine down to a fine art, I'd leave the food and water on the doorstep and stand in the dark in my room peering through the blinds. When I spotted the "mystery" cat, who I had a sneaky feeling was him, start to eat the food, thats when i would open the window really slowly to get a better look..... nope, he was off. Damn it. I was left unsure every time. I contacted the vets and the Animal Rescue, In fact I did everything I could think of, including worry myself sick.

Then a breakthrough, I was outside restocking the dishes when I heard a familiar cry, It had to be him. A couple of day's before my nephew's return!!! he wandered over and started eating the food,I was stunned, I quickly made a grab for him and got him indoors. He was all lovey dovey for 3 mins then went psycho again. My nephew was delighted and was able to enjoy the last couple of days of his hols! I swear my nerves were shot through after that time. Never again. My nephew returned and "sookie spike" was all over him!!! I informed him he had a really spoilt boy.he laughed and said "I know"! He torments me sometimes by asking if i want to look after him again! Hmmmm more chance of me losing 2 stone or growing 2ft than ever going through that again! lol xx

Sunday's Fat Breed! Lol

Sunday Morning, I did it! I feel very proud of myself as I stayed home last night after my bottle of wine aswell! lol Got up at 9am, thats a total lie-in compared to 7 or 7.30am decided to check if I had any comments left about my stories. When I squealed excitedly that I'd had a new comment posted,

I began to silence pinky and perky who looked a little less interested than me to say the least, In fact they were staring at me like I'd gone totally mad! After I demanded that they listen, I read it out loud. My wonderful other half who always pays attention to me said "What"? "Did someone say your'e a Fat Breed"? I shook my head quizically. "Erm,No,!" They said it was a "Fab Read". You see what I'm up against? lol

I got dressed and after much persuasion I headed to the shop with my "little treasure" who moaned constantly about not wanting to go in the first place as sunday was her day to take it easy!! and also she didn't want to hear any more about my stories as they won't get me anywhere and I am just wasting my time!! Hmmm the words Boarding and School were in my head at that point! So were Nails, Ears and Wall!

I chose to ignore bratpants and reminded myself, it was just her age, I let her walk slightly ahead in case I felt too much of an urge to reach out and nip her!. I bought the usual Sunday paper, along with potato scones, and beans to go with the sausages, bacon, eggs and rolls which were bought in yesterday's shopping trip. Its a good thing I'm not obsessed with food! lol I do like a cooked sunday brekkie though and a rather large sunday dinner.

Having no hangover today is such a bonus, especially looking round this room and seeing the state of it! I must go and get that kettle on, read the paper, then attempt to try and find the carpet. Hope you all have a wonderful Sunday. Back Soon. xx

Going Blonde

Saturday Again. Decided to try and get my stories "out there"! Hmmm. The Message Boards were fab. The people in a couple of them were very kind. I have wine I know! I'm bad! I must tell myself over and over not to contemplate on going out! Not a good idea when A) I have nothing to wear in the old clothing department and B) I will make a total fool of myself and wake up in the morning feeling awful. Went food shopping today and bought a Chicken in the bag, Roast potatoes and Yorkie Pudds for Sunday Dinner! so if there is the slightest whiff of a hangover, I can open the oven door and launch it in!.

I've also decided to keep today's particular version of events very short, as I looked back at my other entries, and thought "where on earth have they come from"? lol I couldn't be bothered reading all that.! I did have a rather embarrassing but hilarious experience in the supermarket, I found myself in the hair dye section once again, I was staring at all the boxes marked "Blonde" as I'd been reassured by a hairdresser, I could now go for Dark Blonde with the amount of pre-lightner my hair had recently had! yessssss I thought superb again. Hmmmm, Thats when I heard a familiar voice.."Oh no! not this again!" I started laughing uncontrollably as it was my other half glaring at me standing holding the trolley like some mad man posessed.

I remembered the previous week when I'd taken an hour (or so he said) to choose a dark blonde hair dye! and No for the record, It hadn't worked. Well, today,he walked away and left me looking like a right plum laughing my head off bent over double in front of all the dye's. I think It was the Irony of the whole thing that made me laugh as much.

I didn't take long choosing the shade as sooo many people were staring,I chose the "dark blonde that covers all grey one" and skuttled off. Needless to say I'm a paler shade of erm.... gingery red! Hmmmm. Next time I'm gonna brave it and go for the "Total Blonde" one, the box that guarantees that if ur hair is the darkest shade ever, It will make you platinum! Oh
god, That will be a fun experience and no doubt, be next week! lol. I will let you know. xxxx

Daydreaming

In contrast to last sunday, today has been a very domesticated one. my mother bought me a "Favourite Dog" apron and im sure its helped me get in the role of doing housy things, like dishes and washing. Don't think I'm as large as i was, there is possibly the chanceI lost a pound somewhere! The reason i know this? seeing as I threw my scales out?? I, can only assume its because i can bend down and stand up easier and don't feel like im 90.

Its hard to believeI've been offline for 3 months. I went back on briefly earlier and didn't know where to start! decided to come back here to what I know.I had withdrawals not writing in here, bizarre, It's turned into my confessional! lol. Aren't you the lucky ones? Thats why i decided to pop this on the net and make my millions! lol That last bit is especially for all the wonderfully beautiful publishers out there who want to sign me so bad!

6.30pm, Sunday and all I can think of is work in the morning. I must retrain my brain to focus on the time I have off, as opposed to the time I'm going to be mrs posh pants on the telephone being ever so friendly and nice. I wonder how i still have my job sometimes when i get into deep and meaningful chats with some of the golden oldies when they tell me all about their life stories,The list is endless. At the end of the day, If i can have a conversation with someone and make them smile thenI'm gonna give it my best shot. Life is far too serious these days, we need more humour.

Im lucky in the sense two of my work colleagues are completely stark raving mad and have the most entertaining quick witted humourous personalities I have ever endured, they actually have me crying with laughter. Its like travelling to and from work with Paddy and Max from Peter Kay's Phoenix Nights , very funny guy's. It's rare in this dayand age to have one person so happy at that time of day, let alone 2 of them.

I happened to mention I was going to include them in my story and was left in stitches at the conversations that followed between them both. They excitedly started planning on who was going to be who. They had one of them playing the part of himself in "My blockbuster movie of my runaway successful Blog!", while the other one wanted to be played by Leo De'caprio.

I've requested a dictaphone to record them in the car and dedicate a whole page to them so you all can understand why i no longer wear eyeliner or mascara to work in the morning. Shame you won't be able to hear the broad "scottish" accents which get stronger and louder by the second or even better the "goat" impression which actually freaked me out first time round as I had to check the back seat in the car! I feel so comfortable in their company, Its nice. Ahhh my wee lambs.

Thats the part of the day that sets me up for the fabulous ringing tone that starts before I've entered the building. A good giggle in any morning is the equivalent to a huge glass of alcohol on a sat night to me. I had plans for earlier on, like plucking my eyebrows and applying fake tan but ended up watching supernanny or emergency nanny or something like that anyway, and I was mesmerized at the way they were all popping kids underneath big poster shaped naughty points on the wall's or in naughty corners in their homes! what? the word what kept on appearing at the front of my mind. and why? the word why was there too, when these kids were biting chunks out their parents and siblings legs, lobbing toys though the windows, throwing their dinner (plate included) on the floor and screaming.

Why were they not nailed to the wall by their ears? Surely that would be a good start? Oh sometimes I wander around feeling lonely that my "wee treasure" isn't a little lamb anymore and more like an agressive mountain lion but after watching that programme, I'm glad im at the horrid almost teenage age and not at the little monster stage.I wouldn't have the energy for a start, and as for the "Naughty Point"? hmmm no thanks. Good Luck to them all, pop round and borrow the hammer and nails anytime if it doesnt work.

Im hoping to not leave this so long next time before i continue on my quest for fame and fortune, the scratch cards have gone down to once a week and Iv not even checked friday's euro millions! how could i be so careless? I could be worth millions right now! I'd certainly make a few changes if that was the case,

I'd be wearing a thicker dressing gown and cosier fluffy slippers for a start, there would be a proper awakening in the morning, no more chicken song Oh no! I'd have some, kind, friendly fantastic cook who was extremely pleasant, whispering my name saying "Pammy, Darling," "Here is your breakfast", in bed of course, and a comfier chair to sit in when I type on here as Im glancing round at the four poster bed and chatting to "edward" who would be bringing me bacardi right now, would only be a small added extra.

Money wouldn't change me. Im far too grounded. Id just love the opportunity to prove it, If, however its not meant to be, then life will continue here as usual. I must remember to change that chicken. I must go and fill that kettle and make a nice hot cup of earl grey tea. Shame I ate all the bourbons earlier! damn. Anyway sleep well, sweet dreams. back soon. xx

Re-set Alarm time to 7.30am, why? cos Im stupid. Did it make things easier having a wee extra lie in? erm... no, I had to run about like an idiot, firing bread in the toaster and pinging the switch on the kettle with the other hand. Hair almost reaching the ceiling I felt like Amy Winehouse well....a blown up with a bicycle pump version! lol Damn that chicken. I really have to sit down and change all the settings on that flaming mobile phone, I just keep forgetting. Don't think there is anything to report back to base about Monday or Tuesday as this is now wednesday evening and the neighbourhood kids are all launching themselves on the trampoline in the garden having a ball...At 8.55pm they should all be in their beds! hmmmm.In my day... lol Time to get the garden emptied, the kettle on and that mars bar in the drawer with my name on it, polished off. laters xx

The Boat Trip

Hmmm just read that last entry and had that awkward guilty embarrassed "Oh My God, did I write that?" kind of feeling. It would seem so. A brand new day today in fact a brand new week has passed and there Isn't that much to report back to base. It's Sunday teatime and nothing too dramatic or exciting has happened in the past days since I last waffled!. Work has been the same. the same routine all round really. chicken alarm which I really must remember and change before my mobile goes through the window, the travel back and forth to work, the same old arguments when i come home and the same rubbish on the telly before going to bed. Wow what blast.

I did however have a wonderful Saturday yesterday which involved no alcohol!!! shocking I know, but true. "We" as in my family, were treated by my parents to a day out. We headed off to the coast where we had the freshest of fish in a quaint little cafe, then we went to the harbour and climbed aboard a rather large boat for an afternoon excursion.

The film Overboard was always one of my favourites and I could feel myself playing the part of Goldie Hawn with my mannerisms,calling on the butler:"Andrewwww", "Are you going to bring me that lemon? or do I have to squeeze it from my hat?" and stretching out my long nails, I shook my hands as if they had wet nail varnish on them and said in a high pitched voice "I'm still tacky" That made me laugh really loud! It wasn't until I looked properly at the 8 differently aged people sitting opposite me on the arched seating area staring, that I came to my senses and became myself again, limiting my total excitement at being on a boat.

Pity my wonderful other half had to taint my sailing endeavour ever so slightly, by claiming to have forgotten something, with a totally worried look on his face, "What is it"? I answered, worriedly. "We haven't got any accident insurance for you!" Hmmmm sick man! and sick child for laughing aswell and agreeing with her dad! I side stepped him and kept glancing at him from the corner of my eye throughout the trip. Rather warped sense of humour, I should've known to have expected something like that from him.

I forgot to remain well behaved at times when I saw the seals and puffins and noticed my voice was slightly louder than the man's doing the commentary! oh well, It was my day too, and if 80yr old aggie who was tapping her walking stick didn't like it then tough. I pictured the film jaws and childishly hummed the tune in her general direction. After all I am only 37 you know! proof that age really is only a number.

There is always something magical about a seaside that makes me all daydreamy, the whole summery Ice cream, sand, and sea thing makes me wanna play. I had a really good day, even the obligitary "Eye spy" in the car on the way home was fun... well, to a certain point. The whole cheating thing can irritate me sometimes, even when I firmly state in the rules that the item we are guessing is to be definatley in the car, so the letter D for example would not warrant the guesses of: Dalmation, Dingo, or Dinosaur, All that sea air I'm sure to have the best sleep in a long time. Back Soon. xx

A Wee Dram Is Looming Closer!

Monday's chicken and it all went by rather quickly. The holiday staff had returned which meant the pressure was off or in otherwards... I could go out at lunchtime and browse the shelves in the nearest shop to see what what was missing from the cupboards or fridge at home! Decided against mr motivator before breakfast as my body felt like it had been put through a mangle.

Here i am Tuesday night ready for the Tuesday Night ritual... The cuppa gets made now at 8.30pm in time for c.s.i. at 9pm. Horatio and Grissom are always welcome in my livingroom. I've just had the usual bang on the wall to indicate "cuppa" time, but tonight i changed it slightly by saying "get stuffed" make me one as im busy writing. Thats made me smile, just call it payback for making me walk for miles in the woods! I must now, however, go and get myself comfy. sleep well be back soon. nite xx

Hmmm Its now Saturday night. I think im gonna make this a saturday night thing. Cavatina playing in the background and a wee dram to warm the cockles! Okay, so I gave in and got a wee half bottle of bacardi. It was bought for me as i kinda emphasised how much i was longing for one and how long it had been since i'd had one.

Anyway this was my fourth or fith glass with ice and diet coke and it was amazing. Would be better if there was a lamp that worked in this bedroom but the black dark made the screen very bright. Iv picked the "mellow tunes" folder so who knows what will unearth itself on that. Oh it would seem to be "you take my breath away" . A wee sip and some thoughts of the week gone by. Can't believe that time is sprinting away from me. I have one very funny story from the past week. Well I found it funny! lol

My wee treasure recieved a card through the post that stated the postman was unable to post a "packet" so this had to be picked up from the post office. well, this turned out to be a torturous experience for me as she wasn't that bothered about the whole thing and couldn't have cared less about this mystery parcel or (Packet) as she kept correcting me! I reiterrated to her that someone had gone out of there way to make an effort to send her this and she should want to go and collect it as soon as she could, but being the lovely independant individual she was, she shrugged the whole thing of as unimportant.

Arghhh I wanted to know what it was and it was bugging the life out of me! I worked twice as hard, almost pleading, "what if someone had spent ages?" "what if it was a dvd?" I tried it all. in the end... Yes.....result. It was arranged for her and her friend to head down the next day to collect her impending present. The next I knew was a phonecall from her father with laughter in his voice..."guess what it was"? was the question. "i dunno" was the honest reply.. Im laughing now telling you,

It was her S1 report from the school! lol they had posted it. I heard a familiar voice in the backgound shouting..."Its not funny"! Well it made me laugh all day. karma. what a funny story i thought to myself. Needless to say the endless sarcastic comments and constant teasing lasted ages!

Embrace.. gravity. Always makes me reach for my glass. I first heard this song online when it was sent to me. I've loved it ever since. Its rather magical. It has so much sadness and yet so much hope attached to it. yip, im getting smashed! At least tonight im in control. im definately not going out dancing! the local club is safe. I was a bit gutted to notice last time I felt my familiar buddies were rather "off" with me. I try not to take things personally but sometimes its easier said than done. Let's blame the age.

fleetwood mac, albatross playing now, wonder if i need to find happier music? the albatross is my favourite bird cos i watched a documentary once and it said that the albatross stayed with its mate for life to raise their babies. awww how sweet. It was my favourite since hearing that. I wanted to pat "his" head lovingly and say "well done mate"

Im approaching the stage of feeling like the worlds greatest singer!!!!! yip possibly one bacardi too many, as i join in with eva cassidy.. songbird. much to my neighbours horror. maybe they should have a wee dram and they would hear what i hear? just a thought.! keane. I have to meet these boys one day. their music just appears at the right time. somewhere only we know. My back garden would be good. I've attached headphones to this pc and apart from almost strangling myself and struggling to hear it, I can't stand those solid bits of plastic in my ears! so... "sorry neighbours".. Its not that loud, just, there.

mmm underneath my clothes! lol well not literally.. oh god yuk! I meant the flippin song.. shakira the wee foxy slim blonde. another sip. I tried to go a couple of shades lighter with my hair dye today. Failed miserably. Spent half an hour with my growly other half pacing back and forth like scar from the lion king in the shop saying the infamous words "you ready yet"? ARGHHHHH no bloody NO. maybe a tad pre-menstrual but this was as serious as choosing a new car or business to buy.

You had to get the flaming colour right. I explained as best as i could that it wasn't wise to rush me as i didn't have a friend to guide me,so to please be patient and go outside and smoke a cigarette and wait for me, however, that's exactly what happened he went and I found myself picking up box after box stressing about whether my now almost copper coloured hair would go a worse shade or not and when he wandered back in growling "C'mon" again, I chose the nearest bloody thing to me! growling back "if this doesn't work, then it's your fault"! Talk about passing the buck.

I slapped the colour on and prayed it would be okay, It was "that okay" that they pair said they hardly noticed a change. hmmm I shook my head. and took a large breath as i grimaced. "forget it" i told myself. "whats the point"? my nails were long that was a high since I've always been a biter and everything else was a low. It was okay though cos surely i wasnt the only "saddo" sitting here on my own on a saturday night holding on to my dreams...The big house.. well mansion, the husband... which involves the wedding... oh the luxurious wedding.... running through the rain and being spun round and kissed ever so passionately,

Ahhhh bisto! then the nice car, nothing too fancy just something that wouldn't need pushed to start it. God what a dreamer! what else....? hands clasped, an air of excitement was rushing through me as nina simone sang "my baby just cares for me" what else? house, car, wedding, peace of flipping mind. and a normal figure were right up there on the wish list! Feeling the tyres round my waist, all 2 of them could go as spares for the new car. How ironic... the song playing now?...this is a mans world!.. time for a refill.

Amy winehouse doing a fabulous version of "will you still love me tomorrow" Im not getting into the whole amy and drink thing. thats her life and none of my bees wax. I will say one thing however, this is a wicked and magical version of this song. Maybe she should take some quiet time and sit down and chill to it. Well it had to be said, she may be a superstar but I'm a worrier and she has no right to worry me about "her" bad living! bad lady! lol The song has depth. brave choice to go so high, yet she pulls it off remarkably,

God, I've turned into simon cowell! och that's not so bad as i kinda admire simon. he is gutsy, and there has been many a nightI've agreed with him on his judging. other occassions I've found myself screaming at the telly obscenities. lol another sip time.
I'm pouring "normal" measures tonight and filling my glass right up andI'm adding ice! had thoughts this week of what I could invent to make me rich? that will be nothing then! lol or famous? hmmm nope. just for reassurance im listening to amy you know im no good! yeah i soooo do! lol thats why im not in my mansion or running in the rain or in my car that doesnt need pushed.

I'm still here, on a saturday night, jimmy no pals with my bevvy and music clacking away on the pc! best of it is, im not even online at the moment able to chat to my "cyber pals" as iv another 8 days to wait til i get reconnected, and upload my innermost thoughts,which reminds me, if anybody mentions the word "Habbo" to me i will personally scream. It costs money, and is the reason i got cut off!

hmmm after 3 months without the internet and still paying for it ,I'm ready to go back on and say hello to my favourite room. I feel likeI've been in jail. awww dionne warwick is serenading me now.... thats what friends are for! lol its a sign. another sip. Oh how I wish it was during the day right now, as I'd turn the volume up really loud and sing at the top of my voice.

My dad is a music lover and my mum also. my dad can write a song as if he is writing a wee shopping list! Its quite bizarre. my mum has a beautiful voice. why do i feel like all the songs that have been written were "so easy" and i could do that! yeah, whatever, if i did that then id be in my mansion. another sip.

stevie nicks. if anyone falls. fabulous. Isn't it funny how when we have no reaction to a song we look for one? In otherwards if we feel blue then we will go out of our way to find a song that is gonna produce tears and if we feel the opposite then we look for that! what strange little beings we are! awww my fav is on next. i just had a wee peek. tears for affairs. I will be transported to a beach any moment. superb!
there she blows! wicked. lol found something new... try it... im singing into my glass and the tone and echo are great! lol. waheyyyyyyyyyy. Its like having your own mic. or.... It could be I'm more smashed than i reckon. god i hope not as i will be so ill tomorrow then im back to work! arghhhh.

Okay time for the last drink of the evening. god i feel like a d.j. saying this. Don't have to worry too much tho as I have the sunday breakfast under control. bacon, eggs, sausage, rolls, and mushrooms mmmm can't wait. edging up the volume in my excitement at the thought of yummy sunday brekkie, I listened to anne murray... snowbird, now barry white... the man himself.. now what a voice has "our barry" or rather "my barry" id have barry white singing to me every min of every day if only that was possible. what a voice! mmmm im making a kissy pursing of my mouth expression towards the screen cos i love my barry so much.I feel like the nodding dog in all the car adverts. got my eyes closed and singing now fairly loud. oh yes.

I rub my hands gleefully. that was good fun. lol sharp intake of breath.... now iv had the time of my life...... rocking from side to side baby. singing into the glass.
and taking a sip! "your the one thing i cant get enough of!" hey baby oh yeah!
I don't feel afraid of the future quite as much now. c'mon everyone... sing into your glass lol. good grief i feel like im on the stage!Now i know how my friend darrien felt on that Strictly Dance Fever program.! well he won cos he is a superstar! him and holly made me so proud,

He was destined to be a star. he worked so hard and was so determined. I crossed my fingers and toes hoping that all his dreams came true. One day i will give him a huge cuddle cause he is my wee lambchop. I must think now of retiring as my eyes are playing tricks on me and i need beddy bies. so I will wish you all well and catch u all soon. sleep well my lambs. xxxxx

Grandad's Birthday Visit

God damn that chicken. managed to change the time to 7.15am so there is an extra 15 mins lie in, just need to remember to change the ringtone!! arghhhh. Only managed to be away from here for 2 days! Tuesday now and this is the first chance I've had to get settled in to my comfy chair and share all my joys with your good self! Well high's and low's!

The first low was the fact that I was rudely awakened on sunday morning to the noise of a strimmer outside my window at 9.30am. the high? hmm could there be a high? well just as i was squinting through the blinds fumbling aimslessly for the chord to yank it up and glare out the window, thats when the high came...My lovely, lovely kind neighbour was cutting my garden. ahh bless. That shut me up.

The low wasn't far behind asI got refused clothes to borrow from my "little treasure" I had nothing nice to wear, was being harrassed to hurry up as we were all going for a lovely sunday walk to grandad's house to wish him well on his 40th (aherm.)...or so he said! birthday. Thats when the fighting broke out.

Always a recipe for disaster in any household, No breakfast ,squabbling females, one selfish for not sharing, and one feeling sorry for herself for being a whale, and the man in the middle sighing and twitching all over the place constantly asking "Are you ready yet?" God if i was ready I would surely have said so. grrr.

Anyway the front door was locked and off we toddled. well, i waddled and huffed and puffed and got shin burn after 30 steps. I had instantly understood why heavy people can't move around fast.. It's because they bloody well can't! literally. I was struggling, This felt awful. Was I really only 37? waves of depression and nippiness ensued, especially when all i got was "c'mon keep up" I turned my eyes in the other direction took a big deep angry breath while gritting my teeth and told myself inwardly to ignore them.

I made it to tesco before demanding I ate as I was "starving" That went down well! not!. oh so what, It was 11.30 and my tummy was demanding to know what it had done wrong. Good Morning Sandwich Isle. mummy's here..... lol I got a baguette and a tub of pasta to "share" in case the roll wasnt enough. After a huge lecture on the salt content and fat content of pre-packed food i crumpled up my empty wrapper and hoped I'd faint or fall and require a taxi.

Alas not to be on this particular occasion.However my incredibly adventurous other half had now led me and "grumpy" into the woods as a fun thing! hmmm Nothing fun here. Oh No.! Jaggie nettles and thistle bushes the size of me were now enveloping me and stinging hell out of me and my little treasures bare legs, as she was wearing three quarters and had bare legs!! ouch. After a few squeals from us both I decided to take action and stand still and hauler at the top of my lungs

"Rightttttttt, no way are we carrying on in here" The almost laughing voice came back telling us if we weren't happy, then we were to just turn back and get on the adjoining path!!!! grrrr It felt like id walked half a mile along here and I was having to turn back! God this wasn't funny and i was mad. I stomped back out on to the path almost knocking over a "walker" on the path whinging the whole time about her father being an idiot! this was definately another "low" of the day. then the worst low was to instantaneously follow: In the distance was crocodile Dundee himself emerging from the depths of the jungle heading straight towards a flippin bench. I had miles to go. I thought inwardly some very very bad thoughts and growled at grumpy to not speak to me at all.

This was a happy day out. a nice sunday walk. Did other families experience all this hostility? all this exertion? happy my backside. I was furious and knackered and felt like crying but hey ho, we were there, finally and i got a seat and a cuppa and a bit of delicious birthday cake. Soon the horrible walking had become a distant memory andI found myself wondering if id imagined the day at all as we were dropped off at the supermarket just before teatime after a lovely day sitting chatting in the garden.

There was something quite endearing about walking around a supermarket pushing a trolley, filling it with comforting lovelies. I did however remember the awful feeling of whaleness and added loads of veg and fruit to the trolley. Home was calling me and i was listening. After choosing a rather bizarre cooked breakfast for sunday tea, I decided on bed. That walk had floored me, big time. sleep well. I'm gonna do my best! xx

Saturday and Sober... Phew!

Saturday afternoon! lol doesn't time fly I keep losing my day's! at least this time im sober. The cat rescue programme I watched was touching. A cat saved his owner's life by waking the family and alerting them to the fact the lad was having a seizure. A real good feel factor ensued hearing all was well in the end. Friday was too busy too mention. the only good part of the day was when it was time to go to the local cafe and pick up the luxurious cooked food.

The full realization of the fact im resembling a whale more and more every day, isn't helping to deter me from eating this crap. If anything, im eating more!. Call it what you like, Comfort eating, etc...Its just pure greed. If i speeded up all my "sighs" after failing to improve my diet, it could help as a mini workout. or maybe not.why was there not a miracle cure by now? A chocolate covered miracle cure that would melt all your flab and have you resembling a sexy goddess in no time. I would buy it, well, if it was reasonable and very fast.

I always got told to love the body i had! hmmm this was no body at the moment, it was someone and something else looking back at me in the mirror. I've always been a kinda healthy 10 - 10 and a half stone but i could do things like hide it and move around and even feel not too bad about myself when the make up and togs were on, but now im 13 and a half stone, I feel like man mountain. Contemplated on smoking again just to try and shift it ,but im doing well and I refuse to start again on the grounds it will let all the "told you soers" say as much. Anyway i doubt smoking will be able to melt this much blubber.

Tried my mr motivator video I bought from the charity shop for 50p, I did well, lasted 3 days then kinda lost interest. Why oh why wasn't there an easier way?
Getting my jaws wired was always another option but slightly drastic. Dont think everyone around me would survive if they were eating yummy food and i couldnt'! Nope that was a huge no-no. Another sigh, oh well If i remember what i've always been told. that the grass is always greener on the other side.The tall want to be small, the small want to be tall, the thin want to be fat and the fat want to be thin, that should ease things for a bit longer. Good job im not feeling depressed!!!! lol x

Friday night was mainly to blame for this overwhelming fat feeling today. sweet n sour king prawn and a prawn cocktail. I even had the cheek to have a mug of coffee and a drifter afterwards! god im a pig. Any wonder i climbed into bed at 9pm feeling knackered and stuffed!

Glad to be home after a busy morning. The customers were nice on the phone which was a miracle after the last week, where they have all acted posessed, I did however, have a rather unpleasant journey home on the bus,

Firstly the usual suspects: 87yr old betty from the olympic trolley ramming event barged her way past me when I had been waiting there first, then 72 yr old jock, reeking of lager and stale smoke decided to have a conversation with a 40yr old loud and scary weirdo.who was 20 seats away from him. They bellowed back and forth to each other about cat pooh, cat spray and placing bets!

My attention was wavered slightly when a claudia schiffer lookalike climbed on. hmmm that shut them up. made me cover my cardi over my tummy discreetly muttering inwardly "bitch". nasty, i know! but i couldn't help it.
I wanted to take betty's stick and whack her with it, grab jocks ears and shake them,shout loudly the words "shut up" in the weirdo's face and lastly put a spell on claudia that she would end up 13 and a half stone by the morning! I feel my smile broadening, oh what mischief still lurks in that old 37yr old mind of mine!.

Hard to believe a week ago I had humiliated myself by caking on the slap and going out. This was my sanctuary. Talking to you, Im secure, in my room, the world is secure! I found myself looking forward to coming home to carry on with this story and make my millions! yeah right. As if!, tried the Euromillions lottery last night. I dont usually do it ,but i decided to give it a go since the jackpot was 36 million. I put 8 lines on. £1.50 a go. not too bad tho! I won absolutely sod all, but "youve got to be in it, to win it" apparently. in what? shit? cos i am now I've wasted £10.50 lol. Another sigh. I think i need a cuppa. how apt cascada is blaring out the song " i need a miracle" gosh what a psychic lady.

I dont want much, just the mansion and the grounds and a home help and a driver and some kind of chef or cook to live next door. Funny to think Iv always preached to people the words "if youve not got health ,youve not got anything" money isnt everything. hmmm I think this worm has turned. I still believe the health bit but long so much for the money bit. I never seem to have it for long in my hand before its shipped out to a bank. post office ,supermarket or child!

I've always said if i had big money i would put it to good use. I'd love to have my own cattery and shelter for dogs that have been abandoned or ill treated. It sticks in my throat all those poor wee souls living in kennels.
I've kinda agreed to rehome a puppy who will be born soon and who no doubt would be looking at being put in kennels if i didn't . It was on a saturday afternoon when i stupidly decided to go for a "quiet one" instead of doing the weekly shopping.Saturday's and alcohol dont mix for me obviously!

I don't know the chap all that well, but after a lengthy conversation it was agreed it would be better off with me than anyone or anywhere else.Dont know what my 2 cats will make of it but if it saves the wee thing going into kennels then so be it. I will sit purdie and oscar down and break it to them gently when the time is right! Im going to sign off for the night and watch the telly like a proper lounge lizard. I have the Sunday walking adventure to tell you all about tomorrow! Thats the walk to the in-laws to say happy birthday. why the walk? hmmm the blubber needs to go! wish me luck.x

Monday...I'm Bad Again!

Mon 9th shouldv'e been fri 13th!

Monday, 7am and that blasted alarm with the rude chicken song was blaring out. No way!. time for work. busy day with the phone constantly ringing. Good for business.... bad for me! No sooner was my day at work over, than I found myself heading off to visit my relative to celebrate another birthday.

This is whereI got it so wrong yet again, After an initial...."no wine for me thanks, I'm working in the morning" and "I dont drink the night before work", while also still feeling the effects from saturday night, I got absoulutely hammered and "apparently" started hurling insults or so i was informed the next morning.Oh god, what was going on? Why was i behaving like a ned or chav or och far too many names to choose from. My point? I was an idiot and woke up Tuesday morning to find I hadn't remembered getting home or throwing up in the bath! and worse of all was that flaming alarm at 7am belting out the chicken song!

Tuesday? where did monday go? I lost monday. I felt like an old nasty alky. With my tail tucked in tight I sent the apologetic text messages genuinely meaning every word and feeling really rotten about being so out of order the night before but unfortunately got no reply...made me feel worse, but my own fault indeed.
That was it. Definately No more alcohol, and id meant it. I couldnt believe i was feeling so ill and bad.

If i thought monday was busy, i was in for a huge shock with Tuesday. It was constant. The only saving grace to ease the stress of the guilt and hangover was the fact I'd found a takeaway nearby that made a fried egg and bacon roll. Lunch time couldn't come sooner! ahhh thank god. I lost count of the amount of liquids consumed during the day, Having to undo my button and zip of my trousers to sit down, told me I'd drank a fair bit! I just wanted to rewind back to saturday when i felt safe and secure sitting here typing, without the wine and going out bit of course! I need under that duvet.

Wednesday 7am chicken song time still feeling so ill and humiliated and yes of course it had to be another busy day at work. seemed to be only grumpy whingy whiny customers complaining. Karma. I spent a lot of time sighing and inwardly hoping the phone would die. staff off on holidays made the place quieter but so much worse feeling this way.It had an echo when the phone wasnt torturing me. Ended up being an hour and a half late getting home waiting on my lift gave me time to think.What did i need drink for and why didnt i have a cut off point? hmmm my favourite word was back, the answer unfortunately
was i had no cut off point. I drink to get drunk the words binge drinker springs to mind! it has to stop.

Thursday night and im here, no need to bore you with the crappy details of my horrendously busy and stressful day and of course the wonderfully charming and welcoming 7am chicken song. I must make a mental note of changing the alarm tone to anything at all. and soon.Its 9pm and im exhausted after being summoned to the livingroom i must now go and make a cup of tea and watch a programme about a cat who saves a family! i will however be back tomorrow evening after work to let you know how my life has been. lol bet you can't wait! nite nite. sleep well. x

承担

2007 年 9月6日

敦敦的表哥和表姐开学前来家 里住了几天，这下可喜坏了敦敦，毕竟有哥姐相伴的日子并不 多，对一个独生子来说是巴不得的好事。

玩'Risk'的时候，敦敦很自信，看表哥没 玩过，高姿态地让了表哥一步，曾'称霸亚洲'的敦敦，很得 意，但一不留神，在表哥凌厉的攻势下功亏一篑，滑铁卢了。 看着满脸郁闷的敦敦。大表哥直后悔刚才跟小表弟玩得太过严 肃，执著。

跟表姐 开战的时候，敦敦吃一堑长一智，不敢轻敌，死活不让步， 发'毒誓'要赢初次玩'Risk'的表姐。表姐心中有数，不失风度地让她的小表弟过 了一回'称霸世界'的瘾。

没姐 弟兄妹之情的滋润的孩子也缺乏在玩耍的过程中学习承担后果 的机会。通常父母没时间也不愿跟孩子一般见识，孩子连跌跟 头的机会也没有。在生活中不畏惧犯错而且懂得承担后果是孩 子的必修课，他长大后，走出家门，没人会对他让步。跌倒了 的时候，他应该知道拍拍身上的土爬起来，想清楚为何摔了这 一跤。懂得承担的孩子才会更加勇敢，懂得承担的孩子才会更 加自信。